Talking with Teachers

Take a few minutes before your conference to reflect and prepare, especially if it's your first experience. If the teacher reveals a problem about your child, you may feel that your parenting skills are being questioned. And you may disagree with the teacher's assessment.

But keep an open mind when the teacher offers opinions. Fred White, a New York City-based educator, says, "Parents look at their children with different eyes. That's the way it should be. Teachers, on the other hand, are more objective, less partial. While we certainly see each child as an individual, we also have the benefit of seeing many kids of the same age every day. That gives us a basis for seeing where one particular child is in relationship to other 7-year-olds."

Parents' expectations, White says, can be too high or too low. One mom in Missouri was surprised when her daughter's sixth-grade teacher commented favorably on Samantha's leadership qualities. "Sam's our youngest, and she always seems to be following her older sister and brother's lead," Samantha's mother says. Another parent, whose older son was a below-average student, was sure that her second child was a genius. "I was really shocked when I found out that Chad was considered average." She admits that it took her a long time to adjust her expectations of Chad and to take pleasure in his accomplishments. "I had to learn to be happy with the fact that even if he doesn't win a Pulitzer Prize before he's out of high school, he is still a success."